Destruction and Resolution

So, there's this guy I'm dating. You know all about that. He...frustrates me. It's too much to even begin, but I have to give some idea, so think of these words: emotionless, unresponsive, roller coaster, cocky, sweet, thoughtless.

I realize only one of those words has a good connotation. That's where things stand right now.

He's been awesome this week, well...mostly. He's been nice and thoughtful and all, but I'm almost sure it's because I've been giving him a lot of breathing room. More on that soon.

He often forgets to get a hold of me when he says he will, chooses other plans over me, expects me to be the one to plan many things, and resents me wanting to know what he's up to. And he's still been a jerk even while being pretty cool this week.

Here's the part you've heard before, more or less. There's a guy at work, one I've fallen very hard for in recent days. He's funny and sweet and has fallen for me just as hard. He just yesterday broke up with his 16 year old girlfriend because they've been fighting and he's been tired of dealing with her drama. He's 20, for the record. And he liked me before the breakup, so I guess there's no worry about rebounding and such.

Last weekend, the guy I'm dating (Brian) had drill. Marine Corps, once a month, y'know. Was supposed to be his last ever, but last year he broke his collarbone and missed a few, and they just told him Friday he'd have to spend another full year in. He, big bad Marine with no emotion, admitted to crying, so I feel worse for feeling distant from him lately. Note that he didn't call me when this happened though. You know how I feel about people I care about getting a hold of me when things suck. Especially my boyfriend.

David and I have talked a lot. We -can- actually talk. Which is different from lately.

Do I want to be the bitch that ditches the Marine when he's down? Not really. But I'm so tired of the ups and downs and the jerk to sweet and being told I have thin skin and being teased about everything I do to the point that I feel particularly insignificant in comparison.

I like our inside jokes. Acting like penguins, joking about Left 4 Dead, Exalted, etc. Playing games together is fun, when he remembers not to tell me things like 'man, that shot sucked', and so on.

So where's this leave me? Infer from there.

I feel like my head's imploding. But could I really stay with someone so spiritually and emotionally uninvolved with the world around them? Could I be with someone more free-spirited, like Joe was, but to a much lesser extent? What's best for me? If you read this...insight would be lovely.
-O

Another one? Already?

Ok, well I am rather bored here, and I read your last post again...how'd your mom change the wedding? What's going on?

I'll throw you a wedding shower. Hell, I'll throw you a bachelorette party, too. I'll find a way to get out there, maybe this summer, just tell me when the wedding is, 'cause you know I'll take time off to be there for it. You were my sister for so long and I want to see you happy as much as I could ever want anyone to be happy.

So. Tell me when, we'll plan it, I'll get out there, and we'll party. We'll get your brothers and sister and your dad and even your mom if you want.

Now what was this about your dad cheating? I never heard anything about that! I'm so out of the loop, heh.

Over Thanksgiving, my aunt found this box full of my grandfather's paperwork, and there were pictures and birth records and a huge family genealogy report. My mom surprised us by compiling it all into notebooks for Ethan and I, and our cousins. Zach got all the mountaineering articles and such, Heidi got the academic stuff, Ethan got the Quaker-related letters, and I got the letters between my grandmother and her family back here on the East Coast. It was amazing. Pictures of my history and letters about these people I never got to know. A lot of the letters I got were my grandmother discussing her father's infidelity and in one of the letters, to her mother, she wrote something like 'Don't be too hard on him, mom, after all, he was very understanding when you cheated on him a few years ago.'
Heh, it's like 'woooah. ok. Guess this sort of thing was talked about, a bit at least.'

Now I really should go, but catch me up on details! And know I'll never judge you. I'm proud of you for living the way you want to, and so glad you found Reece. He's really good to you.
-O

The East Coast

I always worry about my decisions. Like the choice to break up with Michael, or the choice to move here to NJ. The decision to change to linguistics as a major, and trying to figure out what I need to graduate. I'll go see my advisor, but I never seem to have time, and she won't get back to me! Maybe if I report her or something. I need to talk with her and figure it out.

Anyway, I'm here in NJ. I have an apartment dorm thing with three girls - Jane, Emily, and Kim. They're cool. It's like having roommates that are the typical college girls but not the party girls. All their boyfriends come and hang out and they're mostly accepting of me being geeky and whatever. 'cause the whole geeky thing? I'm good at it.

Oh, man, so I have this new job, I've been here 3.5 hours today and still have nothing to do. I haven't been trained much, not enough, and no one is training me this morning. For whatever strange reason. I have to wear a stupid blue shirt that is, of course, too big for me. Maybe it will shrink in the washer. Laundry tonight.

I'm trying to figure out if I'll try to catch the train down to Matawan tonight and ask for a ride from Brian's mom, then I can use his computer all weekend for Double XP in CoH, since my campus internet is pathetic, but then I'm kinda stuck there. No car, etc. Or I can ride down on Sunday and get picked up by Brian or Alan or something. Then...ride down again on Monday for Exalted. Blah. I suppose I could just go down tomorrow instead. Have a day in my room and sleep in and stuff, and then go over and hang out and get in some Double XP stuffs. I'm nervous about hanging around his family without Brian there though, it's just sort of nerve-racking. I haven't met most of them, though his cousin Matt added me on Facebook, and Kelly will be there.

I should go...stare at the screen more. Pretend to work. Laundry this afternoon, class at 4, done by 5.20 and can just figure it out from there.

Hope life is well.
-O